So Vulnerable, and Yet, So Protected...

He's the older brother I've always wanted...and yet, when I'm with him and my family, I feel so vulnerable. I feel like the little kid still...even though he's almost a complete year older than I am, I still don't like the vulnerable feeling I get when I'm with him. On the other hand, when I'm with him by myself, and/or with friends, I feel protected. I'm not sure what or why I feel this way, but I do know one thing. God has given me such a blessing in him. Besides Christ, he is the one that I can run to when everything seems wrong. I can go to him and just "vent" and he will listen. I can cry, and he won't tell me to "buck up".
God has given me blessings in every single one of my friends at Northland...from the people in my class...to my roommates...to the people I know I can simply count on to be there. When I want to back up and run, he's right behind me supporting me. When I am being threatened, he's right there in front of me. When I simply want to collapse from exhaustion, and stress, he's right there to catch me with encouraging words. My mom called him the "angel". More than once he has helped me through a difficult situation, whether it was self inflicted or not. When I wasn't eating at school, he finally sat down with me and made me eat. When I wasn't sure I could stand another second with a certain person, he would always look at me with his steady gaze, and tell me a story from his life that applied to mine as well, and the mistakes that he has made and that he didn't want me to make the same mistake, and open up his bible...even just to read a passage of encouragement.
He's steady. Like a tower built on rocks. It's not going anywhere...he's not going anywhere. When I thought everything around me was going to crash...and come down, right on top of me, he was there dividing my burden so it was half as heavy and double as bearable.
So many times in my life, I have tried to do something on my own, but it wasn't until I got to Northland that I had people say, "Kara, you shouldn't try to carry this by yourself." or, "Kara, you help us with our problems so much, let us help with yours." I wondered what they meant by this...and I finally figured out. A burden is something to be shared. So is Joy. Both are to be had, and both are to be shared. There is a verse in the bible (*I can't remember the passage) but it says something to the extent of, "If one Christian has a hurt, all the Christians hurt, and if one believer has joy, and has been exalted, then all of the believers should rejoice with them."
So vulnerable...and yet so protected. I'm not sure if I will ever get what I quite feel about him, but I do know one thing. What ever happens next...there is nothing that God, and I can't handle together!