Dear Lord.....can I rewind about 10 years....and fix all of the mistakes I ever made? Can I go back to being my parents little girl again...? Go back to years when life wasn't so hard...when I had it really easy. To be able to...take back anything and everything that I ever said that I shouldn't have.....I wan't to go back...but I can't........
This is how I feel lately. We are at the end of week.....9 I believe. Realizing that I have been away from home for nine whole weeks seems impossible since I can still feel the hurt and the anger that I felt as I watched my mom drive away from me for the first time on September 4th 2009. Since that extremely difficut day, God has been taking me through a lot of trials. For a while I didn't want to go on...I wanted to quit school and go home so badly. My grades where not doing well. I was getting sick. I also had to battle an eating disorder...or in my case...a "not eating" disorder. I would at first just skip meals in order to get homework in that was due that day. But then I realized that when it would come to meal times, I would literally not feel hungry because I had skipped so many meals before that my body had trained itself to reject meals...therefore, I wasn't eating. I slowly started getting weaker and weaker until on a friday afternoon right after World History Class, I passed out from overheating and not having eaten at all that day, nor the night before that. Now, a lot of people would say, "Well, that was stupid for not having eaten..." yes...I realize that now...but at this point, I was so weak, I wasn't even thinking straight. I wasn't able to consentrate in class...and I was always getting stomache aches, headaches, feeling dizzy, and always feeling tired.
I was finally made to eat something....after skipping a total of 13 meals within 2 weeks. When I smelled the sandwich that was placed before me, I literally started to shake! The person that had gotten me the sandwich sat down across from me until I started eating the sandwich. Michael watched me for a good 10 minutes before he was satisfied with the fact that I was going to eat the sandwich. And he then went and built up the fire in the rec hall.
There have been so many other things that God has taught me so far this year. But one of the biggest lessons has possibly been that God puts people in our lives for a reason. Not just to teach us lessons about ourselves...but also people to teach us lessons about Christ! People from diverse Backgrounds, different culters, and different Spiritual maturity levels.
I am so thankful for my friends...to name them all would take all night, so I will just name a few of them, and tag them in this note. God...thank you....thank you so much...for my true friends here at NIU.
Michael, Corey, Bob, Britney, Kristine, Cristina, Dan, Ben, Lena.........
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