As I sit across the table waiting for dinner to start, I listen to my best friend Kristine explain to me what "Spring Fest" is. I made a tightly balled fist and try to get the feeling back into my fingers. The second day of classes of my second semester is coming to a close, and I am amazed at everything that God has brought me through already. Last night in the rec hall while eating cheesy bread and skyping across the table to each other, Kristine, Michael, and I were totally obsorbed in what we were doing at that moment. Suddenly I looked up from my lap top, and noticed someone I recognized from last semester, but didn't expect back, walking in. Aaron had amazingly gotten the money to come back for another semester of school. I squeeled out his name and was the first one up from the table almost upsetting my glass of water. Within seconds, at least 15 other students had surrounded Aaron, and were fireing questions at him like he was going to disappear never to be seen again.
Aaron had come back. Everones pride and joy, and yet the person who constantly teased! The brother and yet annoying aquaintence. The person you looked forward to seeing each day, and yet dreaded.
(*Takes another sip of my carmel apple cider) . . . Anyway, looking back on today's classes, I start feeling overwhelmed by everything I need to have done within the next couple weeks. I have to have an assignment for Computer class in next Friday, I have homework due on Tuesday for Aural Skills, I have a quiz on friday for English, and I have reading due for Historical Books as well. With all this already on my plate for classes this semester, it is easy to lose sight of what my main focus should be. My relationship with Christ.
As the days slowly get longer, but the temptrature keeps dropping. One of the students walks back and forth from outside and keeps piling the wood on the fire, making it crackle. Another female student laughs and playfully punches the guy that is sitting next to her, and then shakes her head and looks back down at her lap top.
This seen is not at all uncommon here at Northland. I can usually be found either with my best friends, studying, or practising in the Fine Arts Building.
One of my favorite things to do though, is to on a lazy friday evening, to gather with friends, and "might-as-well-be-family" and order a cheesy bread and play "Apples to Apples". It is a good way to unwind and relax, and put all the stresses of life out of our minds for at least a good four hours! :)
I have stopped being so homesick, and now the PTSA sets in . . . (Post Tramatic Seperation Axiety) sets in. Just kidding.
I'm realy excited about what God has in store for me this semester, but am equally excited about going home for the summer months . . . not so I can sleep (although I will be doing plenty of that) but so I can invest in other peoples lives, or so I can minister to others and be able to serve. He must increase, but I must decrease!
Since I have temporarily dropped out of college, I have decided to change the purpose of this blog, however, for now, I am at a loss for what that purpose should be. So, bare with me, and I shall be deciding that soon.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Going back for my second semester
The white plastic bag hung onto the handle of my suitcase, waiting to be brought out to the van. My clothes bags, shoes, backpack, and Painball gun all sat in a pile in the corner. My music that was once scattered on the piano from being practised now was packed into my book bag. My cell phone lay hanging from the charger by the wall. My computer was plugged in getting fully charged for the trip back up to school.
These are just some of the things that I see as I write this entry. This break has flown by so quickly. So many things got accomplished, none of which were things that I had planned on doing. I didn't get ahead in any school work . . . and I didn't get my books ordered in time to read ahead. However, I did get a lot of opportunities to serve. I was able to invest in others lives, and I was also able to counsel a girl in my youth group about some wrong decisions that she had been making. I didn't tell her what to do, but I did tell her what God's Word said on such things, and that she should pray about it, and then make her decision. We also talked about asking Christs forgiveness when we sin. I explained to her that when we sin, we not only sin against someone, but we sin against Christ. I tryed to explain the importance of us going before Christ and asking for His free mercy and forgiveness. She admitted to me that she never asked for God's forgiveness. I was able to talk to her for about an hour on that very subject. GOD IS GOOD!!!
My parents and I will leave in about an hour to take me back up to Northland International University for my second semester at school. I'm scared, and excited all at the same time. I'm looking forward to seeing all my friends, and yet scared of who I will meet this semester as well.
As my luggage slowly gets hauled out to the van, I can feel the cold "whoosh" of the door opening and closing. It almost reminds me of a day back in August. August 31st. The day I first went off to school. It was a terrifying and yet exhilerating moment for me. A moment to spread my wings, and learn to fly on my own. However, when I finally got to Northland, a sense of insecurity and total and complete fear controlled me. I remember as I watched my mom drive away . . . tears of anger and fear rolled down my cheeks. I wanted to run after her and throw myself at the van, begging her to stop and not leave me here. Now as I look back, however, I smile with how homesick I was, and the knowledge that if she had taken me back home, I would not have grown in so many areas of my life.
I am so thankful I get to go to a good christian school like Northland. No matter how homesick/scared I get, I know that their is always going to be good godly friends to hold me up, encourage me and remind me that from the beginning of time, God had a purpose for me, and one of the purposes was to come to Northland. I may not be sure of that purpose right now, but as long as I'm inside of God's will, I am in the safest place on earth.
These are just some of the things that I see as I write this entry. This break has flown by so quickly. So many things got accomplished, none of which were things that I had planned on doing. I didn't get ahead in any school work . . . and I didn't get my books ordered in time to read ahead. However, I did get a lot of opportunities to serve. I was able to invest in others lives, and I was also able to counsel a girl in my youth group about some wrong decisions that she had been making. I didn't tell her what to do, but I did tell her what God's Word said on such things, and that she should pray about it, and then make her decision. We also talked about asking Christs forgiveness when we sin. I explained to her that when we sin, we not only sin against someone, but we sin against Christ. I tryed to explain the importance of us going before Christ and asking for His free mercy and forgiveness. She admitted to me that she never asked for God's forgiveness. I was able to talk to her for about an hour on that very subject. GOD IS GOOD!!!
My parents and I will leave in about an hour to take me back up to Northland International University for my second semester at school. I'm scared, and excited all at the same time. I'm looking forward to seeing all my friends, and yet scared of who I will meet this semester as well.
As my luggage slowly gets hauled out to the van, I can feel the cold "whoosh" of the door opening and closing. It almost reminds me of a day back in August. August 31st. The day I first went off to school. It was a terrifying and yet exhilerating moment for me. A moment to spread my wings, and learn to fly on my own. However, when I finally got to Northland, a sense of insecurity and total and complete fear controlled me. I remember as I watched my mom drive away . . . tears of anger and fear rolled down my cheeks. I wanted to run after her and throw myself at the van, begging her to stop and not leave me here. Now as I look back, however, I smile with how homesick I was, and the knowledge that if she had taken me back home, I would not have grown in so many areas of my life.
I am so thankful I get to go to a good christian school like Northland. No matter how homesick/scared I get, I know that their is always going to be good godly friends to hold me up, encourage me and remind me that from the beginning of time, God had a purpose for me, and one of the purposes was to come to Northland. I may not be sure of that purpose right now, but as long as I'm inside of God's will, I am in the safest place on earth.
Monday, January 18, 2010
While I've been home...
Before we all left for our Christmas break, Dr. Matt Olson (The President of Northland International University) told us to "Go home, get rested up, and serve." Immediately I had many ideas of what I could do to serve. There is a girl in youth group that is not extremely "popular". I came home honestly excited about what I was planning on doing, because for once in my life I was doing something fully for the glorification of Christ alone. I finally decided on taking the girl to eat at her favorite restaurant, and then to the mall to shop. When I was able to get in contact with the girl I was going to take, I was almost as excited as she was. When the day finally came to take her, my family picked her up at 11:30 am, and headed over to the restaurant for lunch. My dad, mom, brother, and uncle sat separate from my friend and I so we could "talk". It was a wonderful time just to fellowship and to talk to her about the importance of having consistent devotions. Since she was a semi-new Christian, she did not "know how to do devotions". I told her that there wasn't a certain way that you had to do ones devotions. As long as you are in the Word of God on a regular basis, and are getting the "spiritual food" that a Christian needs to survive in the world around us; it didn't matter if she did it out of a bible, a study book and bible, etc. etc.
While we were talking, our food came, and there was a lull in the conversation from spiritual things as we set our minds on the delicious food that had been set before us. After we had ordered desert, I managed to turn the conversation from "The Jonas Brothers" to "Prayer" and "Devotions" again. Finally after almost a full hour of stressing the importance of spiritual maturing, and a daily walk with Christ, I think she finally started to get what I was trying to say.
The "date" was a success and I walked away from dropping her off at her house feeling more satisfied than I ever had before. A couple Wednesdays ago, we had a guest speaker in youth group on Wednesday evening. They called him "Mr. D". Afterwards, I walked up to him, and encouraged the girl that I had taken out to speak with him. I started out by introducing ourselves as we had not gotten to meet him before youth meeting. He again stressed how important consistent devotions were. He put it like this. G.R.O.W. To grow spiritually, you need to follow these steps.
G - Go to Church
R - Read Your Bible and Pray
O - Obey
W - Witness to Others the Good News of Jesus Christ
I had never heard it put quite like that...but I have also not forgotten it.
Since then, I have really sought out ways to serve others. Whether it be just to simply spend time with them when I would really like to be doing something else, or taking the initiative to reach out and "Love the unlovable".
Looking back at last semester, God had some really hard lessons for me to learn, and he also pryed my fingers off of some very important things that I held onto in this life. Now that my break is coming to a close, I have a feeling that God will again teach me a very important lesson...however, this time, I have a gut feeling that it will hit closer to home. Whatever lesson that God wants to teach me, I know that "From the Beginning of Time" He has a plan for me. Not just a "plan" but a Perfect Plan that will end up molding me more and more into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. It will hurt...all lessons do, but as long as I have my faith, my family, and my friends (in that order), there is nothing that I can't handle.
While we were talking, our food came, and there was a lull in the conversation from spiritual things as we set our minds on the delicious food that had been set before us. After we had ordered desert, I managed to turn the conversation from "The Jonas Brothers" to "Prayer" and "Devotions" again. Finally after almost a full hour of stressing the importance of spiritual maturing, and a daily walk with Christ, I think she finally started to get what I was trying to say.
The "date" was a success and I walked away from dropping her off at her house feeling more satisfied than I ever had before. A couple Wednesdays ago, we had a guest speaker in youth group on Wednesday evening. They called him "Mr. D". Afterwards, I walked up to him, and encouraged the girl that I had taken out to speak with him. I started out by introducing ourselves as we had not gotten to meet him before youth meeting. He again stressed how important consistent devotions were. He put it like this. G.R.O.W. To grow spiritually, you need to follow these steps.
G - Go to Church
R - Read Your Bible and Pray
O - Obey
W - Witness to Others the Good News of Jesus Christ
I had never heard it put quite like that...but I have also not forgotten it.
Since then, I have really sought out ways to serve others. Whether it be just to simply spend time with them when I would really like to be doing something else, or taking the initiative to reach out and "Love the unlovable".
Looking back at last semester, God had some really hard lessons for me to learn, and he also pryed my fingers off of some very important things that I held onto in this life. Now that my break is coming to a close, I have a feeling that God will again teach me a very important lesson...however, this time, I have a gut feeling that it will hit closer to home. Whatever lesson that God wants to teach me, I know that "From the Beginning of Time" He has a plan for me. Not just a "plan" but a Perfect Plan that will end up molding me more and more into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. It will hurt...all lessons do, but as long as I have my faith, my family, and my friends (in that order), there is nothing that I can't handle.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
So Vulnerable, and Yet, So Protected...
He's the older brother I've always wanted...and yet, when I'm with him and my family, I feel so vulnerable. I feel like the little kid still...even though he's almost a complete year older than I am, I still don't like the vulnerable feeling I get when I'm with him. On the other hand, when I'm with him by myself, and/or with friends, I feel protected. I'm not sure what or why I feel this way, but I do know one thing. God has given me such a blessing in him. Besides Christ, he is the one that I can run to when everything seems wrong. I can go to him and just "vent" and he will listen. I can cry, and he won't tell me to "buck up".
God has given me blessings in every single one of my friends at Northland...from the people in my class...to my roommates...to the people I know I can simply count on to be there. When I want to back up and run, he's right behind me supporting me. When I am being threatened, he's right there in front of me. When I simply want to collapse from exhaustion, and stress, he's right there to catch me with encouraging words. My mom called him the "angel". More than once he has helped me through a difficult situation, whether it was self inflicted or not. When I wasn't eating at school, he finally sat down with me and made me eat. When I wasn't sure I could stand another second with a certain person, he would always look at me with his steady gaze, and tell me a story from his life that applied to mine as well, and the mistakes that he has made and that he didn't want me to make the same mistake, and open up his bible...even just to read a passage of encouragement.
He's steady. Like a tower built on rocks. It's not going anywhere...he's not going anywhere. When I thought everything around me was going to crash...and come down, right on top of me, he was there dividing my burden so it was half as heavy and double as bearable.
So many times in my life, I have tried to do something on my own, but it wasn't until I got to Northland that I had people say, "Kara, you shouldn't try to carry this by yourself." or, "Kara, you help us with our problems so much, let us help with yours." I wondered what they meant by this...and I finally figured out. A burden is something to be shared. So is Joy. Both are to be had, and both are to be shared. There is a verse in the bible (*I can't remember the passage) but it says something to the extent of, "If one Christian has a hurt, all the Christians hurt, and if one believer has joy, and has been exalted, then all of the believers should rejoice with them."
So vulnerable...and yet so protected. I'm not sure if I will ever get what I quite feel about him, but I do know one thing. What ever happens next...there is nothing that God, and I can't handle together!
God has given me blessings in every single one of my friends at Northland...from the people in my class...to my roommates...to the people I know I can simply count on to be there. When I want to back up and run, he's right behind me supporting me. When I am being threatened, he's right there in front of me. When I simply want to collapse from exhaustion, and stress, he's right there to catch me with encouraging words. My mom called him the "angel". More than once he has helped me through a difficult situation, whether it was self inflicted or not. When I wasn't eating at school, he finally sat down with me and made me eat. When I wasn't sure I could stand another second with a certain person, he would always look at me with his steady gaze, and tell me a story from his life that applied to mine as well, and the mistakes that he has made and that he didn't want me to make the same mistake, and open up his bible...even just to read a passage of encouragement.
He's steady. Like a tower built on rocks. It's not going anywhere...he's not going anywhere. When I thought everything around me was going to crash...and come down, right on top of me, he was there dividing my burden so it was half as heavy and double as bearable.
So many times in my life, I have tried to do something on my own, but it wasn't until I got to Northland that I had people say, "Kara, you shouldn't try to carry this by yourself." or, "Kara, you help us with our problems so much, let us help with yours." I wondered what they meant by this...and I finally figured out. A burden is something to be shared. So is Joy. Both are to be had, and both are to be shared. There is a verse in the bible (*I can't remember the passage) but it says something to the extent of, "If one Christian has a hurt, all the Christians hurt, and if one believer has joy, and has been exalted, then all of the believers should rejoice with them."
So vulnerable...and yet so protected. I'm not sure if I will ever get what I quite feel about him, but I do know one thing. What ever happens next...there is nothing that God, and I can't handle together!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
School Journal - An Overview of this past Semester - 1/7/10
"When did I stop being first in your life? Why does your family or job come before me? Why do you love material possessions more than me? When did our time together become less important? Why did you stop reading my letter to you? Why did spending time with me become "another thing to do"? When did investing money in my work become "a task"? Why did you substitute your time with me for more time in sleep?" ~God
I have a feeling Satan doesn't want me to publish this note because this will be the third time that I have tried to write this note and went to tag people in it, and my hand jerked and I clicked on their profile instead, and when I went back to my note, everything I had written was gone.
Pride, selfishness, greed, hate, lust, racial controversy, religious debate, moral decline, unthankful, disrespectful, irresponsible, laziness, self preservation, self esteem, and apathetic. When are we going to get tired of it? When are we going to get sick of the perverse sin that is taking over our generation? When did our devotional time become a "task"? When did our prayer life become "second best"? When are going to wake up to the realization that our generation is stepping closer and closer to moral destruction?
" . . . I stand at the door and knock . . . "I heard this phrase growing up all the time. However, Christ is standing at the door of our hearts, and whispering, "Why aren't you spending time with me anymore? When are you going to read my letter to you? I love you. Do you love me? Then keep my commandments."
When I first came back from Northland I was shocked to see that nothing had changed in my youth group. There was still hardly ANYONE that wanted to change, and even fewer who were TRYING to change. When I saw this, my heart almost broke because of the lack of passion for Christ. In Revelations 3:15-16 "I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold OR hot. So then because thou art Lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spur thee out of my mouth." Before I went to Northland for College, I was the same way as most of the kids in youth group. Apathetic, lazy, selfish, prideful, immature, greedy, wanting my own way, content to stay where I am spiritually etc etc.
This is one of the subjects that have bothered me for MONTHS, and nothing . . . NOTHING has been done about it. No one seems to care . . . no one seems to care about growing spiritually. The kids in youth groups only concern is childish "who likes whom?" and "Who's going out with whom?" and "Who has the hottest brand of shirt, pants, or shoes on". Cliques! THOSE ARE THE PROBLEM!!! Opposites attract? I think not. Not in my youth group. No . . . the preps attract the preps . . . the jocks the jocks, and the outcasts the outcasts. Outcasts? In the house of God?! THIS ISN'T RIGHT!!! Having to watch this "social interaction" game go on week after week after week is enough to make a person go mad! We cannot . . . MUST NOT . . . allow this "trend" to continue ANY longer. There should not be this problem at church. IN A CHURCH! In a place where we are called to "love one another as Christ as loved us." Cliques are NOT a way of "reaching out"! Cliques are a way of separating oneself from the rest of reality. The reality that we need to start looking past the end of our noses and look beyond ourselves and minister to those in need. To reach out to those who are not the most "lovable" people.
Apathy and the whole list that I continue to mention will CONTINUE to run ramped . . . like cholera or small pox when it has become an epidemic until we reach out with the love of Christ and STOP IT!
I have learned many things this past semester at Northland. Many of which have been about myself. About how weak I was when it came to trusting Christ . . . about how apathetic I was when it came to my youth group, and mostly how I was so spiritually immature and that I was content to stay where I was spiritually for WAY TOO LONG.
The only ones that even SEEM to care are my immediate family and a lady at my church. Less than 10 people . . . very discouraging . . . and yet, very ENCOURAGING when I look up from being forced to my knees. My God is greater than anything that we could ever imagine. In Genesis 15:5-6 it says, "And he brought him forth abroad and said unto him, 'Look now toward the heaven, and tell the stars if thou be able to number them.' and he said unto him, 'So shall thy seed be.' and he believed in the Lord, and he counted it to him for righteousness." If you have never done this, you should. Go out into the middle of a field, and on a dark and cloudless night, look up towards the sky. Look all around above your head. Just TRY to count the stars. Now . . . once you have given up on that, think outside this universe. Think about our galaxy. And now think about all of the solar systems in this giant ball we call the world. We are so small and insignificant, and yet Christ still created, lived, ministered, loved, served and died . . . for US so that we could have a part in His glory . . . forever.
When I even try to think about forever, I can get to about 1,000 years or so, but then I start getting all mixed up with the amount of time "forever" really is. Forever is not going to end . . . it's going to continue on and on and on, and I can only pray that everyone that is reading this will be spending "forever" in heaven with Christ. However, I can only continue to pray for those who aren't. Those people will be spending eternity somewhere . . . however, unless they receive Christ as their savior it will be an eternity spent in constant torture.
Now . . . you may be wondering how I am going to tie all of what I have said together into one point. Honestly, I can't. God has been teaching me so many things, and it seems to me that I have barely covered HALF of what He has laid on my heart lately. Before I go I will say this though: Out of all the things that I have learned, and out of all the things that I have been through, the things that I have learned about my God, and the experiences I have gone through with the trials have been the most rewarding thing I have gone through my entire life. I have seen God work in this last semester . . . and I can't wait to see what He does in my life next.
I have a feeling Satan doesn't want me to publish this note because this will be the third time that I have tried to write this note and went to tag people in it, and my hand jerked and I clicked on their profile instead, and when I went back to my note, everything I had written was gone.
Pride, selfishness, greed, hate, lust, racial controversy, religious debate, moral decline, unthankful, disrespectful, irresponsible, laziness, self preservation, self esteem, and apathetic. When are we going to get tired of it? When are we going to get sick of the perverse sin that is taking over our generation? When did our devotional time become a "task"? When did our prayer life become "second best"? When are going to wake up to the realization that our generation is stepping closer and closer to moral destruction?
" . . . I stand at the door and knock . . . "I heard this phrase growing up all the time. However, Christ is standing at the door of our hearts, and whispering, "Why aren't you spending time with me anymore? When are you going to read my letter to you? I love you. Do you love me? Then keep my commandments."
When I first came back from Northland I was shocked to see that nothing had changed in my youth group. There was still hardly ANYONE that wanted to change, and even fewer who were TRYING to change. When I saw this, my heart almost broke because of the lack of passion for Christ. In Revelations 3:15-16 "I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold OR hot. So then because thou art Lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spur thee out of my mouth." Before I went to Northland for College, I was the same way as most of the kids in youth group. Apathetic, lazy, selfish, prideful, immature, greedy, wanting my own way, content to stay where I am spiritually etc etc.
This is one of the subjects that have bothered me for MONTHS, and nothing . . . NOTHING has been done about it. No one seems to care . . . no one seems to care about growing spiritually. The kids in youth groups only concern is childish "who likes whom?" and "Who's going out with whom?" and "Who has the hottest brand of shirt, pants, or shoes on". Cliques! THOSE ARE THE PROBLEM!!! Opposites attract? I think not. Not in my youth group. No . . . the preps attract the preps . . . the jocks the jocks, and the outcasts the outcasts. Outcasts? In the house of God?! THIS ISN'T RIGHT!!! Having to watch this "social interaction" game go on week after week after week is enough to make a person go mad! We cannot . . . MUST NOT . . . allow this "trend" to continue ANY longer. There should not be this problem at church. IN A CHURCH! In a place where we are called to "love one another as Christ as loved us." Cliques are NOT a way of "reaching out"! Cliques are a way of separating oneself from the rest of reality. The reality that we need to start looking past the end of our noses and look beyond ourselves and minister to those in need. To reach out to those who are not the most "lovable" people.
Apathy and the whole list that I continue to mention will CONTINUE to run ramped . . . like cholera or small pox when it has become an epidemic until we reach out with the love of Christ and STOP IT!
I have learned many things this past semester at Northland. Many of which have been about myself. About how weak I was when it came to trusting Christ . . . about how apathetic I was when it came to my youth group, and mostly how I was so spiritually immature and that I was content to stay where I was spiritually for WAY TOO LONG.
The only ones that even SEEM to care are my immediate family and a lady at my church. Less than 10 people . . . very discouraging . . . and yet, very ENCOURAGING when I look up from being forced to my knees. My God is greater than anything that we could ever imagine. In Genesis 15:5-6 it says, "And he brought him forth abroad and said unto him, 'Look now toward the heaven, and tell the stars if thou be able to number them.' and he said unto him, 'So shall thy seed be.' and he believed in the Lord, and he counted it to him for righteousness." If you have never done this, you should. Go out into the middle of a field, and on a dark and cloudless night, look up towards the sky. Look all around above your head. Just TRY to count the stars. Now . . . once you have given up on that, think outside this universe. Think about our galaxy. And now think about all of the solar systems in this giant ball we call the world. We are so small and insignificant, and yet Christ still created, lived, ministered, loved, served and died . . . for US so that we could have a part in His glory . . . forever.
When I even try to think about forever, I can get to about 1,000 years or so, but then I start getting all mixed up with the amount of time "forever" really is. Forever is not going to end . . . it's going to continue on and on and on, and I can only pray that everyone that is reading this will be spending "forever" in heaven with Christ. However, I can only continue to pray for those who aren't. Those people will be spending eternity somewhere . . . however, unless they receive Christ as their savior it will be an eternity spent in constant torture.
Now . . . you may be wondering how I am going to tie all of what I have said together into one point. Honestly, I can't. God has been teaching me so many things, and it seems to me that I have barely covered HALF of what He has laid on my heart lately. Before I go I will say this though: Out of all the things that I have learned, and out of all the things that I have been through, the things that I have learned about my God, and the experiences I have gone through with the trials have been the most rewarding thing I have gone through my entire life. I have seen God work in this last semester . . . and I can't wait to see what He does in my life next.
School Journal - When My Best Isn't Good Enough - 1/2/10
"But if we are the Body, Why aren't His arms reaching, Why aren't His hands healing, Why aren't His words teaching, And if we are the Body, Why aren't His feet going, Why is His love not showing them there is a way?"
"2009 has gone by with many things being learned. One of which being "'Trust' is not something you can just do. It's something one must learn." And I have learned to trust my God more this year than any other. 2010 will hopefully come with many more lessons...no matter how painful they might be...I will trust my Lord, God, and Savior to get me through them! God is good! Happy New Years Everyone! :-)"
These have been just a couple of my status' on facebook, and just a couple in the many lessons I have learned this past year in 2009. I remember hearing Dr. Horn, in the middle of Pentateuch class, say, "If you scrape by with a D academically . . . but learn something spiritually, I will be thrilled. I would rather have you do that . . . than get an A+ in Pentateuch and in every class you have, and learn nothing and just be go through the motions." I went to NIU with a desire to succeed. A desire to be the best . . . to excel when it came to . . . pretty much anything I did. When I first got to Northland . . . I had a lot of mixed emotions. I wanted to not just do well. I wanted to go above and beyond everyone else. I wanted to be THE BEST there was., but I was also scared to death. Mid-semester rolled around, and I could be found staggering. Almost happy just to pass my classes. No longer did I have the prideful attitude of "wanting to be the best" (though that is not always a bad thing it was not what God had in plan for me). When I looked at the grades I was getting in my music classes I was genuinely pleased, but when I looked at the grades I was getting in everything else my pride fell, and I was again, simply happy to pass the class. Now, you may be wondering, "Did she do all THAT bad in all the rest of her classes?" To be honest no. I had a average of a B or B- this semester. I even managed to pull off a B+ in the Pentatech class after failing every single one of the major tests, but pulling a 95% on the verse test Dr. Horn gave at the end of the semester.
I remember working my tail off on my last English paper . . . and hoping . . . and praying . . . and even dreaming that I would get an A+ on it. When my paper finally came back my English teacher seemed genuinely happy with my increased grade from my past papers, but I still only had a 82% on it. I was happy, and yet very dissapointed. On the way home I remember calling my dad and telling him "I got a 82% on my last English Paper . . . You know . . . the arrgumentative paper?" I remember the crushing words of "82%?! That's not good enough! You are smarter than that! You should have gotten a 100%" Whether he realized it or not . . . those words of "not good enough" have stuck with me since then. "Not good enough?" what IS good enough if my best isn't good enough? I have tried since then to answer that question . . .
I have so many blessings in my life. My family, my friends, my salvation, my bible, my education, my church family, my material possessions . . . so why am I so sensative to three little words? It's pride still rooted in my heart. Pride that when told "not good enough" is wounded. I have always striven to be the best. Always wanted to be the lead in a play. "Not Good Enough" has somehow wounded . . . and yet . . . challenged me to work even harder.
When a person is competative in the first place, and then knocked to the ground by something bigger than themselves. The person is forced to reevaluate his/her goals. Mine went from getting an A+ in every single one of my classes to trusting God to just get me through that day and being happy with even passing my classes.
Pride was and is a struggle for me, and with only a single semester behind me . . . I have a lot more to learn. Out of all the things that I could have possibly learned this semester at Northland International University, I have learned the most about myself, and my God. I have learned that I am a weak Christian. I have learned that my God is always there, all sufficiant, and all knowing. I have learned that I have a problem with fully trusting my God. I have learned that my God is all powerful, always present, and cares about me personally. I have learned that I have a big issue with pride. I have learned that my God is My Strength, My Provider, and My Hightower. I have learned that I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I have learned that my God Satisfies, my God is my Firm Rock through Trials, my God is my Comfort through hard times, and my God is My Refuge when the sea of life is churned up. No matter what happens this next semester I can and will rely on My God! And nothing, nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is too difficult for my God and I to handle together!
"2009 has gone by with many things being learned. One of which being "'Trust' is not something you can just do. It's something one must learn." And I have learned to trust my God more this year than any other. 2010 will hopefully come with many more lessons...no matter how painful they might be...I will trust my Lord, God, and Savior to get me through them! God is good! Happy New Years Everyone! :-)"
These have been just a couple of my status' on facebook, and just a couple in the many lessons I have learned this past year in 2009. I remember hearing Dr. Horn, in the middle of Pentateuch class, say, "If you scrape by with a D academically . . . but learn something spiritually, I will be thrilled. I would rather have you do that . . . than get an A+ in Pentateuch and in every class you have, and learn nothing and just be go through the motions." I went to NIU with a desire to succeed. A desire to be the best . . . to excel when it came to . . . pretty much anything I did. When I first got to Northland . . . I had a lot of mixed emotions. I wanted to not just do well. I wanted to go above and beyond everyone else. I wanted to be THE BEST there was., but I was also scared to death. Mid-semester rolled around, and I could be found staggering. Almost happy just to pass my classes. No longer did I have the prideful attitude of "wanting to be the best" (though that is not always a bad thing it was not what God had in plan for me). When I looked at the grades I was getting in my music classes I was genuinely pleased, but when I looked at the grades I was getting in everything else my pride fell, and I was again, simply happy to pass the class. Now, you may be wondering, "Did she do all THAT bad in all the rest of her classes?" To be honest no. I had a average of a B or B- this semester. I even managed to pull off a B+ in the Pentatech class after failing every single one of the major tests, but pulling a 95% on the verse test Dr. Horn gave at the end of the semester.
I remember working my tail off on my last English paper . . . and hoping . . . and praying . . . and even dreaming that I would get an A+ on it. When my paper finally came back my English teacher seemed genuinely happy with my increased grade from my past papers, but I still only had a 82% on it. I was happy, and yet very dissapointed. On the way home I remember calling my dad and telling him "I got a 82% on my last English Paper . . . You know . . . the arrgumentative paper?" I remember the crushing words of "82%?! That's not good enough! You are smarter than that! You should have gotten a 100%" Whether he realized it or not . . . those words of "not good enough" have stuck with me since then. "Not good enough?" what IS good enough if my best isn't good enough? I have tried since then to answer that question . . .
I have so many blessings in my life. My family, my friends, my salvation, my bible, my education, my church family, my material possessions . . . so why am I so sensative to three little words? It's pride still rooted in my heart. Pride that when told "not good enough" is wounded. I have always striven to be the best. Always wanted to be the lead in a play. "Not Good Enough" has somehow wounded . . . and yet . . . challenged me to work even harder.
When a person is competative in the first place, and then knocked to the ground by something bigger than themselves. The person is forced to reevaluate his/her goals. Mine went from getting an A+ in every single one of my classes to trusting God to just get me through that day and being happy with even passing my classes.
Pride was and is a struggle for me, and with only a single semester behind me . . . I have a lot more to learn. Out of all the things that I could have possibly learned this semester at Northland International University, I have learned the most about myself, and my God. I have learned that I am a weak Christian. I have learned that my God is always there, all sufficiant, and all knowing. I have learned that I have a problem with fully trusting my God. I have learned that my God is all powerful, always present, and cares about me personally. I have learned that I have a big issue with pride. I have learned that my God is My Strength, My Provider, and My Hightower. I have learned that I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I have learned that my God Satisfies, my God is my Firm Rock through Trials, my God is my Comfort through hard times, and my God is My Refuge when the sea of life is churned up. No matter what happens this next semester I can and will rely on My God! And nothing, nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is too difficult for my God and I to handle together!
School Journal - I'll Be Home for Christmas - 12/19/09
"I'll be home for Christmas/you can plan on me/please have snow and mistletoe/and presents under the tree. Christmas Eve will find me/where the lovelight gleams/I'll be home for Christmas/if only in my dreams."
This popular Christmas carol has never been held in higher regard than it did for me as a returning College student. The last week of finals being done, I packed in a rush, and hopped in our van and started towards home. Driving out of the girls dorm parking lot, I saw many of the girls being picked up, hugging, and even taking some last minute pictures. But there was something that I also noticed. Some of the students from Guam waving goodbye to friend they would not see for a whole five weeks. I could just imagine the pain and the sudden sweep of homesickness as some of their friends leave to go home. Home...a word that (when I was still in Highschool) I esteemed as another stopping point in the road of life. But now that I am at College, it holds a different significance. A feeling of belonging to something other than myself. A sence of love, and of being loved. Catching a glimpse of one of the students not going home, I saw a plastered on smile as she waved to her friends driving away. But as soon as her back was turned, her shoulders sagged, and tears started rolling down her face, and freezing to her cheeks.
Turning around in my seat, I readjusted my seat belt, and sighed with contentment as well as thankfulness to God who had allowed me to live in the US so I could go home at this wonderful time of the year. Feeling a little bit guilty of how happy I was when others were going back into their empty dorm rooms, I let up a little prayer for those staying back at school, that they would have a good Christmas, and that they would be blessed by the meaning of the celebration. Sighing for the fifth time since getting in the vehicle, I realized that I was going home . . . HOME!!! I couldn't wait to sleep in my own bed. With the soft sheets, and squishy pillow . . . it seemed like a dream. As we passed the Rec Hall, I noticed a few of my friends still in there waiting for their ride to pick them up.
Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply . . . simply wondering if all this was real. Looking over at my mom driving, I reached for her hand, and took it. Giving it a little squeeze, my heart flooded with love and thankfulness to God for all the blessings He has given me in my lifetime.
We drove out of NIU's drive way, following the Rios' van in front of us. It only seemed to take a matter of minutes before we were pulling off into "Parks Cheese and Candy Factory" in Crivitz, WI. (the anual stop). Getting out, Emilee, John and I all got to stretch. After a brief break at the store, we all got back on the road, and ended up eating lunch at a Subway in Green Bay, WI. Our entire group that was traveling took up about three booths! :-) James and Dan seemd to get into a little "duel" in front of the Subway store with some of the icicles that had been hanging down from the roof.
Around Gurnee Mills, the Rios' and us met at a local "Steak-and-Shake" and exchanged luggage and took on a few more people. Jj and Susan Rockstroh. It was squished with all of our luggage, but we all made it back to Indiana alright. On the way back to our house, I must have been thinking . . . or dazed, I don't know. Either way, next thing I hear is my mom asking, "Well . . . what do you think?" I looked up and there was our house...a few hundred feet away, all decked up in multi-colored Christmas lights! I gasped and said, "Oh, it's beautiful!"
I got unpacked and all my luggage downstairs, and I came and sat down on the floor by my grandma and just talked to her for about fourty-five minutes before I realized that the guy and girl that I had met at Northland were supposed to be here any minute. I walked outside with my NIU sweatshirt on and looked up and down the street for any sign of them. Nothing. I had just turned around and had glanced up at the christmas lights, when I heard a car engine, and someone calling, "Kara?" I turned around and sure enough. There was Michael and Erin. They followed me inside, and we told them where their bedrooms were. Poor Erin didn't have a bedroom per se, but we did give her the comfy blow up matteress! :-D
Michael, Erin, my brother Jonathan and I all had a tourniment of Ping-Pong downstairs at 11 at night! lol! THAT was interesting...we were all so tired, we were laughing uncontrollably when someone said, "I'm going to lick you," and I was so tired that I thought they meant LITERALLY . . . so it was quite akward for a few moments.
After we all went to bed, I was on skype with Michael telling him what had been bothering me lately about a situtaion back at NIU. My internet kept giving out, so we finally met in the living room and were able to talk. We prayed . . . read some passages from his bible (I didn't have mine at that moment) talked, and prayed some more . . .
Finally after talking for a good two-and-a-half to three hours, we both went to bed with a prayer in our hearts for a certain fellow classmate that attended College at Northland.
The next day, Michael and Erin traveled the rest of the way down to NC where they were from, planning on spending a restful Christmas with their families.
Over this semester I have learned so much. I have learned a lot academically . . . but not as much as I have learned spiritually. God has put trial after trial after trial in my life this semester. Whether it was in the form of people . . . circumstances . . . or even just a sickness that I had to get over. But I have also realized that God is Good . . . ALL THE TIME! Through the many trials in my life God put the right people in my life . . . at JUST the right moment. And through that, I was able to "keep on keeping on". I didn't think that I would be able to make it through this semester. Either academically or physically. I just knew that I wanted to go home. But now, looking back on all that I have learned, about myself, and about my God, I wouldn't trade being at Northland for ANYTHING!
I am so thankful for all my friends at NIU...as well as for the amazing people back here in Indiana that have kept all of us in their prayers.
If I tagged you in this note...but didn't mention you...that is because you fall under the catagories named above. The ones I DID mention...you guys have played a significant role in my trip home. I love you guys and I hope each and every one of you has an absolutely AWSOME Christmas! God Bless!
I'll be home for Christmas . . . if only in my dream . . .
This popular Christmas carol has never been held in higher regard than it did for me as a returning College student. The last week of finals being done, I packed in a rush, and hopped in our van and started towards home. Driving out of the girls dorm parking lot, I saw many of the girls being picked up, hugging, and even taking some last minute pictures. But there was something that I also noticed. Some of the students from Guam waving goodbye to friend they would not see for a whole five weeks. I could just imagine the pain and the sudden sweep of homesickness as some of their friends leave to go home. Home...a word that (when I was still in Highschool) I esteemed as another stopping point in the road of life. But now that I am at College, it holds a different significance. A feeling of belonging to something other than myself. A sence of love, and of being loved. Catching a glimpse of one of the students not going home, I saw a plastered on smile as she waved to her friends driving away. But as soon as her back was turned, her shoulders sagged, and tears started rolling down her face, and freezing to her cheeks.
Turning around in my seat, I readjusted my seat belt, and sighed with contentment as well as thankfulness to God who had allowed me to live in the US so I could go home at this wonderful time of the year. Feeling a little bit guilty of how happy I was when others were going back into their empty dorm rooms, I let up a little prayer for those staying back at school, that they would have a good Christmas, and that they would be blessed by the meaning of the celebration. Sighing for the fifth time since getting in the vehicle, I realized that I was going home . . . HOME!!! I couldn't wait to sleep in my own bed. With the soft sheets, and squishy pillow . . . it seemed like a dream. As we passed the Rec Hall, I noticed a few of my friends still in there waiting for their ride to pick them up.
Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply . . . simply wondering if all this was real. Looking over at my mom driving, I reached for her hand, and took it. Giving it a little squeeze, my heart flooded with love and thankfulness to God for all the blessings He has given me in my lifetime.
We drove out of NIU's drive way, following the Rios' van in front of us. It only seemed to take a matter of minutes before we were pulling off into "Parks Cheese and Candy Factory" in Crivitz, WI. (the anual stop). Getting out, Emilee, John and I all got to stretch. After a brief break at the store, we all got back on the road, and ended up eating lunch at a Subway in Green Bay, WI. Our entire group that was traveling took up about three booths! :-) James and Dan seemd to get into a little "duel" in front of the Subway store with some of the icicles that had been hanging down from the roof.
Around Gurnee Mills, the Rios' and us met at a local "Steak-and-Shake" and exchanged luggage and took on a few more people. Jj and Susan Rockstroh. It was squished with all of our luggage, but we all made it back to Indiana alright. On the way back to our house, I must have been thinking . . . or dazed, I don't know. Either way, next thing I hear is my mom asking, "Well . . . what do you think?" I looked up and there was our house...a few hundred feet away, all decked up in multi-colored Christmas lights! I gasped and said, "Oh, it's beautiful!"
I got unpacked and all my luggage downstairs, and I came and sat down on the floor by my grandma and just talked to her for about fourty-five minutes before I realized that the guy and girl that I had met at Northland were supposed to be here any minute. I walked outside with my NIU sweatshirt on and looked up and down the street for any sign of them. Nothing. I had just turned around and had glanced up at the christmas lights, when I heard a car engine, and someone calling, "Kara?" I turned around and sure enough. There was Michael and Erin. They followed me inside, and we told them where their bedrooms were. Poor Erin didn't have a bedroom per se, but we did give her the comfy blow up matteress! :-D
Michael, Erin, my brother Jonathan and I all had a tourniment of Ping-Pong downstairs at 11 at night! lol! THAT was interesting...we were all so tired, we were laughing uncontrollably when someone said, "I'm going to lick you," and I was so tired that I thought they meant LITERALLY . . . so it was quite akward for a few moments.
After we all went to bed, I was on skype with Michael telling him what had been bothering me lately about a situtaion back at NIU. My internet kept giving out, so we finally met in the living room and were able to talk. We prayed . . . read some passages from his bible (I didn't have mine at that moment) talked, and prayed some more . . .
Finally after talking for a good two-and-a-half to three hours, we both went to bed with a prayer in our hearts for a certain fellow classmate that attended College at Northland.
The next day, Michael and Erin traveled the rest of the way down to NC where they were from, planning on spending a restful Christmas with their families.
Over this semester I have learned so much. I have learned a lot academically . . . but not as much as I have learned spiritually. God has put trial after trial after trial in my life this semester. Whether it was in the form of people . . . circumstances . . . or even just a sickness that I had to get over. But I have also realized that God is Good . . . ALL THE TIME! Through the many trials in my life God put the right people in my life . . . at JUST the right moment. And through that, I was able to "keep on keeping on". I didn't think that I would be able to make it through this semester. Either academically or physically. I just knew that I wanted to go home. But now, looking back on all that I have learned, about myself, and about my God, I wouldn't trade being at Northland for ANYTHING!
I am so thankful for all my friends at NIU...as well as for the amazing people back here in Indiana that have kept all of us in their prayers.
If I tagged you in this note...but didn't mention you...that is because you fall under the catagories named above. The ones I DID mention...you guys have played a significant role in my trip home. I love you guys and I hope each and every one of you has an absolutely AWSOME Christmas! God Bless!
I'll be home for Christmas . . . if only in my dream . . .
School Journal - No Turning Back - 11/6/09
Dear Lord.....can I rewind about 10 years....and fix all of the mistakes I ever made? Can I go back to being my parents little girl again...? Go back to years when life wasn't so hard...when I had it really easy. To be able to...take back anything and everything that I ever said that I shouldn't have.....I wan't to go back...but I can't........
This is how I feel lately. We are at the end of week.....9 I believe. Realizing that I have been away from home for nine whole weeks seems impossible since I can still feel the hurt and the anger that I felt as I watched my mom drive away from me for the first time on September 4th 2009. Since that extremely difficut day, God has been taking me through a lot of trials. For a while I didn't want to go on...I wanted to quit school and go home so badly. My grades where not doing well. I was getting sick. I also had to battle an eating disorder...or in my case...a "not eating" disorder. I would at first just skip meals in order to get homework in that was due that day. But then I realized that when it would come to meal times, I would literally not feel hungry because I had skipped so many meals before that my body had trained itself to reject meals...therefore, I wasn't eating. I slowly started getting weaker and weaker until on a friday afternoon right after World History Class, I passed out from overheating and not having eaten at all that day, nor the night before that. Now, a lot of people would say, "Well, that was stupid for not having eaten..." yes...I realize that now...but at this point, I was so weak, I wasn't even thinking straight. I wasn't able to consentrate in class...and I was always getting stomache aches, headaches, feeling dizzy, and always feeling tired.
I was finally made to eat something....after skipping a total of 13 meals within 2 weeks. When I smelled the sandwich that was placed before me, I literally started to shake! The person that had gotten me the sandwich sat down across from me until I started eating the sandwich. Michael watched me for a good 10 minutes before he was satisfied with the fact that I was going to eat the sandwich. And he then went and built up the fire in the rec hall.
There have been so many other things that God has taught me so far this year. But one of the biggest lessons has possibly been that God puts people in our lives for a reason. Not just to teach us lessons about ourselves...but also people to teach us lessons about Christ! People from diverse Backgrounds, different culters, and different Spiritual maturity levels.
I am so thankful for my friends...to name them all would take all night, so I will just name a few of them, and tag them in this note. God...thank you....thank you so much...for my true friends here at NIU.
Michael, Corey, Bob, Britney, Kristine, Cristina, Dan, Ben, Lena.........
This is how I feel lately. We are at the end of week.....9 I believe. Realizing that I have been away from home for nine whole weeks seems impossible since I can still feel the hurt and the anger that I felt as I watched my mom drive away from me for the first time on September 4th 2009. Since that extremely difficut day, God has been taking me through a lot of trials. For a while I didn't want to go on...I wanted to quit school and go home so badly. My grades where not doing well. I was getting sick. I also had to battle an eating disorder...or in my case...a "not eating" disorder. I would at first just skip meals in order to get homework in that was due that day. But then I realized that when it would come to meal times, I would literally not feel hungry because I had skipped so many meals before that my body had trained itself to reject meals...therefore, I wasn't eating. I slowly started getting weaker and weaker until on a friday afternoon right after World History Class, I passed out from overheating and not having eaten at all that day, nor the night before that. Now, a lot of people would say, "Well, that was stupid for not having eaten..." yes...I realize that now...but at this point, I was so weak, I wasn't even thinking straight. I wasn't able to consentrate in class...and I was always getting stomache aches, headaches, feeling dizzy, and always feeling tired.
I was finally made to eat something....after skipping a total of 13 meals within 2 weeks. When I smelled the sandwich that was placed before me, I literally started to shake! The person that had gotten me the sandwich sat down across from me until I started eating the sandwich. Michael watched me for a good 10 minutes before he was satisfied with the fact that I was going to eat the sandwich. And he then went and built up the fire in the rec hall.
There have been so many other things that God has taught me so far this year. But one of the biggest lessons has possibly been that God puts people in our lives for a reason. Not just to teach us lessons about ourselves...but also people to teach us lessons about Christ! People from diverse Backgrounds, different culters, and different Spiritual maturity levels.
I am so thankful for my friends...to name them all would take all night, so I will just name a few of them, and tag them in this note. God...thank you....thank you so much...for my true friends here at NIU.
Michael, Corey, Bob, Britney, Kristine, Cristina, Dan, Ben, Lena.........
School Journal - But Abba, it hurts - 10/4/09
One of the things that I have learned since coming to NIU for College is I am WAY outside my comfort zone. Way to far away from my close friends, and not nearly close enough to my family. But when I am forced into a situation where I am totally and completely on my own, I start to realize that I am not really as alone as I first though!
My first week here was really rough for me. The hardest thing that I have posibly had to do was turn around and watch my mom and brother drive away from me, and feel like she was abandoning me...he oldest child.... There wasn't one day that I didn't call home crying and begging my parents to come get me. In fact...this is true through to the second, and even some of the third week I was here. But as I started getting more involved with the different ministry opportunities, I realized that I had been wasting valuable outreach time. While I was moping around thinking "I can't do this, I'm all alone...there is no possible way I'm going to get this done," God brought many people into my life that made an impact on my life. People like...Ben, Lindsey, Andrew, Angela, Michael, Lena, Josh, Christina, Bob, Hannah, Ryan, Kristine, Aaron, Dan, Charise, Corey, Brittany, Cameron, Jessica, and even the faculty have made a lasting impact. Whether it was just sitting with me, or playing a crazy game of "Apples to Apples" or even just taking a walk around Reflection Lake.
I felt like quitting the first three weeks, but i slowly started adjusting. I had just started to settle in to College life as a Freshman when my world seemed to be suddenly on a sharp angle.
I found out via email that one of my friends from back home had run away, and was now half way across the US...she was only 16!!! What was God thinking that He would allow her to run that far away?! Well, I was eight hours away...I couldn't do a think about it except for pray for her...but I felt like I should be able to do SOMETHING! Well, I did what i could...which was get as many as my friends as I could to look for her.
A few nights later, I had just gotten asked by one of my friends, Michael, if we had heard anything about where my friend was...I sadly shook my head no, and walked away. About fifteen minutes later, I was walking across campus looking up at the starts, just praying, begging God to bring her home. Almost five minutes later, my cell phone rings, and my mom says "Hey honey! I have some good news!" I didn't even have to be told! My friend had been found! Praise the Lord! I could have easily started jumping up at down for joy had it not been for all the people around me, and me having my good school shoes on! :-)
By this time, I was really tired from all the schoolwork, and just getting mentally as well as physically drained. The end of my third week here, I woke up one morning with a really sore throat. I thought nothing of it. The next morning I woke up with cough and a sore throat (fyi...two out of three symtoms for Swine Flu)...I still didn't do anything about it. The next morning after that, I had a cough, sore throat, stuffy nose, AND body aches all over the place. I STILL didn't do anything about it...well, I got back to my room later that day, and I got on facebook...after checking my mailbox and finding it empty...like usual! ;-) Anyway, I got on facebook and started talking to my mom, and she dropped the bomb by saying "Do you remember Mr. King from church?" "Yes" I said cautiously..."He's dead."
I kind of stopped reading right there and nearly collapsed...WHY GOD!!! WHY!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?! WHY!? Were the only words that were going through my head right then. I felt like screaming...blaming God...anything...but I didn't. I let my roommate try to comfort me...and I walked over to one of the other girls from my church's room, and quietly let myself in, and told her what had happened. I then took an a good hour to myself and brought my bible up to an empty room on Second floor. I spent a lot of time questioning God...begging God to explain Himself...to show me why He would take such a good man away from so many people who loved him. I was standing up in the middle of the room weeping...when I turned around and faced my bible...The navy blue binding with the beautiful silver script with the letters "Holy Bible" on the very front of it stood out against the fading sun going down through the trees.
Sitting down after drying my tears up with Toilet paper (It was the only thing I had), I opened my bible to the typical passage of Isaiah 55:8-9.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
I had to say to myself, "God's thoughts are not my thoughts because He is God...I am His creation...I'm not supposed to know His thoughts...I don't understand...nor will I ever understand...if God meant for us to understand everything that He did, we wouldn't be human!
After a lot of time spent in prayer, tears and pacing, I walked out of the room, exhausted, but with a full sence of peace.
God has been working in my life a lot lately...but it hurts! It hurts a lot...but I think that if it didn't hurt, we wouldn't be willing to change.
I will probably try to get these entries out monthly...depends on my class schedule...but...I will try to keep most of you guys posted on how I am doing as a Freshman here at NIU.
My first week here was really rough for me. The hardest thing that I have posibly had to do was turn around and watch my mom and brother drive away from me, and feel like she was abandoning me...he oldest child.... There wasn't one day that I didn't call home crying and begging my parents to come get me. In fact...this is true through to the second, and even some of the third week I was here. But as I started getting more involved with the different ministry opportunities, I realized that I had been wasting valuable outreach time. While I was moping around thinking "I can't do this, I'm all alone...there is no possible way I'm going to get this done," God brought many people into my life that made an impact on my life. People like...Ben, Lindsey, Andrew, Angela, Michael, Lena, Josh, Christina, Bob, Hannah, Ryan, Kristine, Aaron, Dan, Charise, Corey, Brittany, Cameron, Jessica, and even the faculty have made a lasting impact. Whether it was just sitting with me, or playing a crazy game of "Apples to Apples" or even just taking a walk around Reflection Lake.
I felt like quitting the first three weeks, but i slowly started adjusting. I had just started to settle in to College life as a Freshman when my world seemed to be suddenly on a sharp angle.
I found out via email that one of my friends from back home had run away, and was now half way across the US...she was only 16!!! What was God thinking that He would allow her to run that far away?! Well, I was eight hours away...I couldn't do a think about it except for pray for her...but I felt like I should be able to do SOMETHING! Well, I did what i could...which was get as many as my friends as I could to look for her.
A few nights later, I had just gotten asked by one of my friends, Michael, if we had heard anything about where my friend was...I sadly shook my head no, and walked away. About fifteen minutes later, I was walking across campus looking up at the starts, just praying, begging God to bring her home. Almost five minutes later, my cell phone rings, and my mom says "Hey honey! I have some good news!" I didn't even have to be told! My friend had been found! Praise the Lord! I could have easily started jumping up at down for joy had it not been for all the people around me, and me having my good school shoes on! :-)
By this time, I was really tired from all the schoolwork, and just getting mentally as well as physically drained. The end of my third week here, I woke up one morning with a really sore throat. I thought nothing of it. The next morning I woke up with cough and a sore throat (fyi...two out of three symtoms for Swine Flu)...I still didn't do anything about it. The next morning after that, I had a cough, sore throat, stuffy nose, AND body aches all over the place. I STILL didn't do anything about it...well, I got back to my room later that day, and I got on facebook...after checking my mailbox and finding it empty...like usual! ;-) Anyway, I got on facebook and started talking to my mom, and she dropped the bomb by saying "Do you remember Mr. King from church?" "Yes" I said cautiously..."He's dead."
I kind of stopped reading right there and nearly collapsed...WHY GOD!!! WHY!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?! WHY!? Were the only words that were going through my head right then. I felt like screaming...blaming God...anything...but I didn't. I let my roommate try to comfort me...and I walked over to one of the other girls from my church's room, and quietly let myself in, and told her what had happened. I then took an a good hour to myself and brought my bible up to an empty room on Second floor. I spent a lot of time questioning God...begging God to explain Himself...to show me why He would take such a good man away from so many people who loved him. I was standing up in the middle of the room weeping...when I turned around and faced my bible...The navy blue binding with the beautiful silver script with the letters "Holy Bible" on the very front of it stood out against the fading sun going down through the trees.
Sitting down after drying my tears up with Toilet paper (It was the only thing I had), I opened my bible to the typical passage of Isaiah 55:8-9.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
I had to say to myself, "God's thoughts are not my thoughts because He is God...I am His creation...I'm not supposed to know His thoughts...I don't understand...nor will I ever understand...if God meant for us to understand everything that He did, we wouldn't be human!
After a lot of time spent in prayer, tears and pacing, I walked out of the room, exhausted, but with a full sence of peace.
God has been working in my life a lot lately...but it hurts! It hurts a lot...but I think that if it didn't hurt, we wouldn't be willing to change.
I will probably try to get these entries out monthly...depends on my class schedule...but...I will try to keep most of you guys posted on how I am doing as a Freshman here at NIU.
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