The Missing Day

"What's on your mind?" this is the common phrase we all see when we log into our facebook pages. Sometimes we update our "status" and sometimes we don't. What's on my mind? A lot; most of which are weighing heavily oh my heart. One of my friends said it best. "Have you ever wished you could skip a month, or a day . . . ?" Yes. Actually, I have. I do. July 19th, 2009. I--I--I'm not sure I want to re-live that day. I remember the day that I found out about Stephen Maines. I remember the absolute shock that took over my entire body. I remember going through the motions until the funeral. I remember wanting, and yet dreading the funeral. I remember walking up the stairs at the church and seeing the family . . . they didn't look like they had shed a tear because they too were in such deep shock and agony over this untimely death of their son, and brother. Walking up to the casket, I remember stopping when I saw him. I nearly froze and started weeping as I drew closer. I hugged Joanna who was on the other end of the casket with her mom and as I hugged her, tears came out more and more rapidly. "I'm sorry Joanna." my voice cracked with emotion. "Don't Kara. Don't cry." Joanna said, starting to tear up herself. I willed myself to stop, and hugged her one more time before moving on down the line.

Finally moving to take a seat for the funeral, I remember having to go up to the balcony to find any seat because the church was so full. The funeral went alright until they should a video of Stephen's life. Crying and sniffling could be all over the church. I half expected to start sobbing and have to leave the room, but I was able to half way keep my composure and make it through the movie.

After the service was over, the line of cars that drove to the cemetary was amazing. Hundreds of cars stretched out in a line all baring the orange flag of the funeral go-ers. At the grave site I remember walking up to Susanna and Joanna and for the first time, didn't know what to say. I hate that. I hate it when I don't know how to comfort people who are hurting. I hate it when I am completely . . . well . . . helpless. I simply had to hug them and let them cry.

Stephen is home with his Lord and Savior. He is in paradise. I know it's selfish, but I wish that Stephen had more time here on earth. I wish that he hadn't had such an untimely death. I wish that the people responsable for Stephen's crash would pay. I wish that they would pay for their stupidity in parking their vehicle in the middle of a busy high-way and moving a stupid dog. I wish that they would . . . I wish that Stephen was back here! . . . . . . . . . . . . . I can wish all I want . . . but . . . Stephen . . . is . . . NOT . . . coming . . . back.

Stephen John Maines: August 22nd, 1987-July 19th, 2009

We will never forget you Stephen!!!