The last seven weeks have been a nightmare become reality for me. I don't know how to quite describe it, but I do know this, the relatively short seven weeks I've come through have emotionally felt like years. I feel like I've aged several decades. What I went through was something that I thought would never happen to me; I thought that I was sheltered enough to avoid it. The third week in it happened; I was standing in the rec hall after choir practise and I was talking to one of my friends about a song we were singing. When "he" (This person is going to remain anonymous at this time)walked up to the two of us and started talking. I politely excused myself and walked back into the gift shop to look at some greeting cards that the had for sale. A few minutes passed by and I turned around to go back out to the rec hall, but I noticed he had followed me in there. "Why did you tell?" he asked. Confused, I looked at him and asked, "What do you mean?" he glared at me and spat out the words, "Why the h*** did you say anything about what I told you last semester?!" realization flooded my body and I could only stutter, "I...I...". He turned to me then from facing the card shelf, and stared me straight in the eye and said, "You're a whore, and if you EVER say ANYTHING about it again, I will help make you a whore." starting to turn away, I said, "What do you mean?" he turned back to me, and said, "You know perfectly well what I mean. If you continue to spread these lies I will rape and then kill you." I just stood there as he walked away from me, my mouth hanging open in shock. I didn't say anything that night at dinner to any of my friends, but they knew something was wrong because "I wasn't talking". Later that night I was talking to my un biological brother on Skype after he got off of work, and he finally started talking about, "What was wrong". I was extremely hesitant to tell him what had happened; however, as soon as I did, he immediately was filled with rage over what had happened. He told me, "KARA!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS EARLIER?" I responded with a weak, "Because I didn't want to upset you." He didn't think that that was a good enough response and said, "I'm so angry I'm having a hard time not going down to his room, and beating him to death with a baseball bat."
It was a long night full of emotions, and for a long time, my parents didn't know either. Finally, my "brother" made me go to one of the Deans and tell what had happened. What I didn't know was that almost 24/7 I had someone watching me, but I also had someone watching him. On Monday, Wednesday, Fridays, I had at least two of my guy friends sit with me at lunch. On Tuesday, Thursdays I had another two sit with me. However, it didn't stop at meal times, I was with at least one guy at all times. I was walked to class, and I was walked from class...it wasn't obvious enough for me to get suspicious because I hung out with these guys every day anyway, but one day I finally squeezed it out of my "brother" that he had at least four different guys at least watching me at all times, and two other girls, one of which is my best friend, and another that lived right next door to me. I was kind of upset at him at first, but then I realized how thankful I was for having him do that. I have had to meet with the Dean of Students, as well as the Dean of Men at NIU, and I have had a meeting with the ladies Dorm Supervisor set up for when I go back from Spring Break. More recently, however, I was sitting in my room late at night studying, and my "brother" came on skype and simply said, "He's gone." I was extremely confused and asked, "Who's gone? What do you mean?" he responded, "HE'S gone." Sudden realization broke through my entire being, and I barely managed to type, "He is?!" through my shaking hands. "Yes." came the response. Questions filled my mind, and my trembling fingers tried to type them out as quickly as they could, "When? Why?". "This afternoon, someone turned him in for swearing. He's gone Kara...you don't need to worry about him." I buried my head in my hands and softly wept, I'm still to this day not sure if I was relieved or sorry for him, but after I lifted my head and wiped my eyes, I typed out, "OK, I'm going to go to bed now, I'll talk to you tomorrow in chapel." "OK" came the response. We said goodnight, and I turned off my computer and lay down in bed. Staring into the darkness I wasn't able to comprehend that he was gone...he wouldn't bother me again.
The emotion still hasn't all hit me, but the full comprehension that he is actually gone has. He's not just on the other side of campus, he's off campus, and won't hurt me again. This Sunday we were singing "O the Deep Deep Love of Jesus" and I can't remember what the words said, but it said something about God allowing trials to come into our life because He loves us, and I'm not sure if it was even the words so much as the emotion that I've held in for the past four weeks flooding over me, and I just started sobbing uncontrollably.
I am now starting my week of Spring Break at home...not just trusting God...but in complete peace. I don't have to go back to school and watch over my shoulder...I can go, learn, and have fun, but I can also go back with a renewed sense of who God is, and that He is able to take care of me no matter what situation He brings into my life.
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